Sunday, November 26, 2006

If This Social Work Thing Doesn't Work Out, I Can Always Fall Back On Decorative Floral Arrangements

Lisa has a thing for the holidays. Because she's pregnant and moody, needing occasional presents to boost her mood, and because I occasionally entertain some corny notions about the holidays as well, I decided to add to the Christmas decorations in the apartment by buying Lisa some shiny new holiday flounce.

Kyle and I decided to check out Michael's (a craft store) today after eating lunch to find something that could sit on a shelf or hang on a wall. After critiquing the wreaths and the garland, our inner crafters got the best of us and we decided to build our own centerpiece. This turned into quite the task as we are not the crafting types. Kyle is the spray-painting type and although I have a secret desire to own a ceramic Christmas villiage, you won't find me near any macrame toaster cozies.

We searched the basket aisle, the fake flower arranging foam aisle and finally the glitter holiday-pine-cone-on-a-stick aisle. After deciding on a color scheme, we searched and chose 50 pieces of glittery gold, green and purple leaves, mistletoe and small gifts on a stick. As the grand finale, Kyle chose what can only be described as a "pimp" bird with a mohawk and bejeweled tail.

Above, please find a photo of the beautiful center piece that Kyle, Courtney and I arranged, prompting Kyle to overdose on holiday cheer and necessitating the intake of some Pepto Bismol. Anyone with tips facilitating the removal of a large amount of fine glitter from carpeting is encouraged to share their wealth of knowledge.

Monday, November 20, 2006

In Case You Were Wondering

I know the majority of you have heard what goes on above my apartment in the form of crashes, bangs and pounding throughout the day and into the night. Now you may have been thinking that although these people may not be Large, Vampiric Rabbits, they are at least large, beefy men.

The image I had been entertaining was shattered in front of me when at approximately 10:30pm, the excessive jumping was no longer tolerable. I went outside, buzzed apartment B and waited to confront the surely 250lb body builders living above me.

Out of the apartment walked the smallest two girls I've seen in awhile and I was certain they must have been cheering on their jump-roping boyfriends. Alas, it was only the two of them. These two Nicole Richie sized girls are responsible for ALL of that racket.

And yes, yes they are jumping rope up there.

If you've been an ear-witness to this noise, I know you're as amazed as I am.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

My Day

I have nothing good to rant about lately. Well, that's not entirely true. I do have some rants, I'm just too lazy to compose a well thought out rant.
That being said, I'll tell you all what I did today so you can be jealous.

I went into work and greeted my clients as they arrived.
I left work with three clients to go to a dance class. This week's dance topic - hip hop dancing. Next week - ballet.
I went back to work where I made 13lbs of green bean casserole for our 50 person Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.
I checked my email, watched Divorce Court and crushed some cornbread to make the dressing.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

My Crazy Pregnant Sister

I am NEVER having kids. Although I have a strong desire to have children that are genetically my own so that I can see what kind of crazy personality defects they might have (considering the mix of my personality and their surely DSM-IV caliber crazy baby-daddy), my sister's pregnancy is turning me off to the whole idea. With what will inevitably be the longest seven remaining months living with a pregnant woman trickling by, I'd like to share what the preceding two months have been like for those of us having to live with her.

#1 - Lisa frequently sobs for the following reasons - a) We do not have fruit punch b) The cat will not nap with her c) Her baby-daddy does not answer his phone d) She does not have enough money to buy her baby a car when he is 16 e) We are out of A-1 sauce f) I will not go out at 1am to buy her a McChicken Sandwich

#2 - Her heightened sense of smell leads her to complain when a) There is an open bottle of nail polish remover within 30 feet of her b) Someone cooks anything that is suddenly unappealing c) She is any where near the cat's litter box

#3 - Being pregnant apparently affects her ability to find the bathroom in the dark. Lisa needs the bathroom light on all night because now that she's pregnant, she has trouble finding the door and the light switch. Since the bathroom light shines into my bedroom, I repeatedly turn it off throughout the night. She repeatedly turns it on throughout the night even though the hallway light is literally 3 inches from her door.

#4 - She eats my food

#5 - She complains that her pants are getting too tight but won't do anything about it, like buy maternity pants.