Monday, June 26, 2006

If I said half the things I'm thinking out loud, I wouldn't seem so smart

Because I have no cable, I'm left only with my yoga dvd's and my runaway mind to keep me occupied. Here are some of the things I've pondered as of late:

#1 - Do ambulances ever get lost? Maybe they have GPS. But then, what did ambulances do before GPS? Sophisticated maps? Who knows?

#2 - Do all those guys on their Kawasaki (or whatever they're called) motorcycles just decide it's the cool thing to do and go out and buy them together (possibly for the same reasons girls go to the bathroom together only macho-er?) or are they strangers who bond over their ridiculously dangerous vehicle choices and decide to ride around in packs of 8 or 10 for the hell of it?

#3 - Would it be possible to lose weight if I consumed solely diet cherry coke and chocolate for the rest of my life?

#4 - Why does everyone in the magazine Taste of Home, look like they're from some creepy southern town full of country bumpkins that never left the 80's?

#5 - Does the fact that a woman is wearing very heavy neon orange eyeliner with an everyday, otherwise typical look give just a little bit of an explanation regarding the fact that she is working in a fast food fish fry joint on the north side?

#6 - Shouldn't there be a big warning sign on black grout that "warns" you to wear gloves lest you look like an idiot for the next three days? Or are the only people who buy grout people who know what they're doing? Grout people.

#7 - That Dresden Dolls song "Delilah" is like the story of my life. Only I'm the Delilah so I guess it's the story of all my friends' lives with me?

Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm starting a business

Since a certain Kyle pfister has nothing better to do than to whine about my lack of blog posting, I've decided to appease him with a short snippet of my life right now:

In high school, people used to offer me money to write their papers for them. If the price seemed right I accepted, researched and wrote my little heart out.
In college people used to offer me money to write their papers for them. I was too busy and lazy so I went out and drank beer instead.
Post-college I figured this phenomenon would stop and I would be at peace, free from writing for others.

That is, until someone offered me money to write her resume. So, here I am, taking a break from writing this woman's resume even though she has fifteen years of work experience and years of college classes.
This has led me to contemplate getting a "weekend job." By that I mean I'll write your resume and even throw in a cover letter for free if you pay me to do so. Payment is accepted in cash, check, money order or liquor.