Tuesday, December 26, 2006

One More "Baby-Girl ..." and I'm Going to Punch Someone in the Face!

Today I came to an interesting conclusion. Although most women want to lose weight so that they can be hit on more, I promised myself that I would lose weight so that I could get hit on less.

Yes, it's true, perhaps if I could rock my 5'8" height with a very skeletal 115 lbs, I might attract some men that could possibly annoy me at the bars. However, I would gladly trade that bimonthly occurrence for my current state of being hit on nearly everyday while on the job. I have not once seen my clients hit on a THIN white girl. So why me? Why can't attractive, successful men in my age group hit on me? Huh??

Yes, yes I do get paid to bake cookies and go shopping with my clients. I know you are busy with your excel spreadsheets and such, but I doubt you get told you, "don't look like no virgin," or that it'd be nice to "help you take off that bathing suit." Apparently being in a wheelchair will also give you an ideal eye level view of my "cute ass."

Alas, this is part of my job which I've come to develop a sense of humor about. I do not, however, have a sense of humor about being sexually harassed at my place of employment by old, creepy, married family members of clients via nasty telephone calls. I never in my life thought that people would actually call other people and use that sleazy SNL Ladies Man voice in a serious manner but, oh no, I was wrong. The minute I heard that low drawn out, "girrrrl" followed quickly, still in a super-sleazy voice, by, "I just wanted to say that I'm attracted to you." I knew that some 45-year-old men actually think that this is sexy. After continuing with, "Oh the things I ..." Creepyoldman was abruptly cut off by me telling him what for and hanging up.

A couple days later, he brought his wife into my workplace and wished everyone a blessed day at which point he was told he was no longer welcome anywhere near the building.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Punk Kids

Listen here you punk-ass kids. I am sick and tired of waking up to go to work, walking out to my car and realizing that one of the windows is broken. The first time around, I was upset. This time, I am just pissed.

Here's the thing you jerks. You never find anything good to steal. You can't hustle broken glass man, why not check out the car before you break in, you know, make sure there's something good to take.

You never broke into my hoopdee '88 Taurus. Why terrorize the Kia so? Just because it is a new car doesn't mean there's expensive stuff inside. In fact, now that I actually have to pay for that car, I have less money to buy expensive things. And, if I had expensive things, I certainly wouldn't be leaving them out in 3 degree weather.

Also, I hope you know that any decently intelligent person does not keep anything of value in their glove box. That's just stupid. What are you thinking? That I keep hundreds of dollars in there just in case? Why must you spite me further by delicately hanging my car freshener spray on the edge of the open compartment while leaving all the papers relatively neatly inside?

If you're going to cost me another $200.09 to purchase another replacement window, you might as well mess things up a bit and really stick it to me with a disaster when I wake up. I mean really, at least steal SOMETHING worth while. I have a $200 stereo. Why wouldn't you try to make this break-in worth your while and at least ATTEMPT to take it?

Here's another thing. GET A JOB! Maybe, if you were gainfully employed, you wouldn't have to go around breaking in to people's cars. Maybe you could get a paycheck and buy liquor and drugs that way. I'm pretty sure you're not doing this to feed your starving mother. I'm pretty sure you're doing it because you're lazy.

What's your problem man?

Monday, December 04, 2006

Look at That Man and His Kitty

Happy Birthday to that certain Mike Anthony that lights up all of our lives!