My Crazy Pregnant Sister

I am NEVER having kids. Although I have a strong desire to have children that are genetically my own so that I can see what kind of crazy personality defects they might have (considering the mix of my personality and their surely DSM-IV caliber crazy baby-daddy), my sister's pregnancy is turning me off to the whole idea. With what will inevitably be the longest seven remaining months living with a pregnant woman trickling by, I'd like to share what the preceding two months have been like for those of us having to live with her.

#1 - Lisa frequently sobs for the following reasons - a) We do not have fruit punch b) The cat will not nap with her c) Her baby-daddy does not answer his phone d) She does not have enough money to buy her baby a car when he is 16 e) We are out of A-1 sauce f) I will not go out at 1am to buy her a McChicken Sandwich

#2 - Her heightened sense of smell leads her to complain when a) There is an open bottle of nail polish remover within 30 feet of her b) Someone cooks anything that is suddenly unappealing c) She is any where near the cat's litter box

#3 - Being pregnant apparently affects her ability to find the bathroom in the dark. Lisa needs the bathroom light on all night because now that she's pregnant, she has trouble finding the door and the light switch. Since the bathroom light shines into my bedroom, I repeatedly turn it off throughout the night. She repeatedly turns it on throughout the night even though the hallway light is literally 3 inches from her door.

#4 - She eats my food

#5 - She complains that her pants are getting too tight but won't do anything about it, like buy maternity pants.