An Open Letter to the Vehicle Owner Parked in My Spot

Hey,

Hey you there. Yeah, you in the blue Saturn with the Minnesota plates. Patrick, as it were. You know Patrick ___bring, it probably isn't wise to just have your Rockwell Automation (employee number 5125) ID card sitting out like that, right next to the cupholder. I now know what you look like, and the last five letters of your last name. I could probably beat you up, you look like a nerd in those glasses you know, if I ever happened to see you in the parking lot, surely sauntering over to MY parking space.

I'll concede that there is not a "Private Parking" sign directly in front of MY parking space. But just for fun Patrick, I counted 15 signs in a lot that holds 30 cars. I thought if nothing else, the numbered spots might tip you off to the whole private parking idea. I thought maybe you might say to yourself, "Self, I do not have any rights to space 16, I've never been acquainted with space 16, maybe I shouldn't park in SPACE 16." Alas, that was obviously not the case.

According to the man at parking enforcement, Minnesota people probably just don't know how to read. I like the man at parking enforcement. In fact, since you've been parked in my spot for over 72 hours, I've become quite acquainted with the man that answers the phone at parking enforcement. I also like the man at parking enforcement because he has the power to issue you some tickets. Patrick, I'd just like you to know that I hope that three days parking was worth the $120 in tickets you've already acquired. Now, you know just as well as I do Patrick that you wouldn't want to add an additional $158.43 to that total when I have your car towed from my space.

Also Patrick, and I'd like to think you're a nice young man, I think you're lazy. Why haven't you moved your car in three days? You have a Rockwell ID, don't you ever go to work? Don't tell me you can walk there because I know you can't. Don't you have some grocery shopping to do? Maybe you have a girlfriend you'd like to take out on a nice date that would require some driving. Wait, Patrick, I don't think you'll be taking your hypothetical girlfriend on a date now that you're out $120. You better go to work and earn some money to pay off those tickets.

Please, forgo the carpooling and take your own car.


Love Always,
Jennifer Adam

"It is Christmas in the Heart That Puts Christmas in the Air"

While I was at Wal-Mart buying fish for my job (yeah, I got paid to go pick out some sweet fish to put in the tank) I noticed that the Christmas decorations were already overtaking the seasonal region of the store.






All those creepy four foot dancing santas really got me thinking about the holidays approaching in the months ahead, most notably Festivus and Christmas.






I will admit that I am a cornball when it comes to Christmas. This is inevitably always disappointing to me because I get all cheery only to be let down by my own expectations of whatever idealistic notions I happen to be entertaining.




Really I don't know why I want to decorate the apartment with fake snow, it's just an urge.












That being said, last year my roommate Mike A. also happened to be a holiday junky, much to the disliking of poor Mikey P. Our apartment was finally complete with outdoor decorations indoors, a Festivus pole, the airing of grievances and most importantly, Feats of Strength (ie cupcake wrestling).





I hope that the holidays at A-Rock will be just as ridiculous as the holidays were at K-Rock. Please enjoy this blog photo album clearly showcasing both our decorating and party hosting skills. Ideas for Christmas villages and other made up holidays are welcome.

Classy People Doing Classy Things

There was a fashion show on Saturday night sponsored by Lela Boutique here in Milwaukee. The show was great, the models were beautiful (with the exception of the possibly drunk model that couldn't walk right) and a good time was had by all.

However, this fashion show was nothing compared to the show we put on the night before on the very same catwalk pictured above and later used by "professionals." Kyle, Mikey P and I were at a bar near the already set up fashion tent and decided on our way home to showcase our skills.

Kyle sauntered down the runway like he belonged there, I did my own thing, and Mike donned a pair of heels to prove that women don't have it so bad. In fact, heels were so easily mastered that walking no longer became a challenge. I was without camera so you'll have to enjoy your own made-up visual:

Mikey P, wearing brown shirt, jeans with a dark wash and black, boot style shoes with 2.5 inch heels lowers himself to a speed skating stance and takes off, running as fast as possible. He was graceful to say the least.

The night ended with Mike stating, "Now I kinda miss 'em." in regard to the aforementioned shoes when forced to return them to their owner.

Happy Birthday to This Kid!

You make me feel happy and proud.

It's Kind of Like This ..... Only Without All the "Love." Instead, Insert "Ridiculously Complex Relationship."

"Who knows how to make love stay?

Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.

-Tom Robbins "Still Life With Woodpecker (A Sort-of Love Story)"