An Open Letter to the Vehicle Owner Parked in My Spot

Hey,

Hey you there. Yeah, you in the blue Saturn with the Minnesota plates. Patrick, as it were. You know Patrick ___bring, it probably isn't wise to just have your Rockwell Automation (employee number 5125) ID card sitting out like that, right next to the cupholder. I now know what you look like, and the last five letters of your last name. I could probably beat you up, you look like a nerd in those glasses you know, if I ever happened to see you in the parking lot, surely sauntering over to MY parking space.

I'll concede that there is not a "Private Parking" sign directly in front of MY parking space. But just for fun Patrick, I counted 15 signs in a lot that holds 30 cars. I thought if nothing else, the numbered spots might tip you off to the whole private parking idea. I thought maybe you might say to yourself, "Self, I do not have any rights to space 16, I've never been acquainted with space 16, maybe I shouldn't park in SPACE 16." Alas, that was obviously not the case.

According to the man at parking enforcement, Minnesota people probably just don't know how to read. I like the man at parking enforcement. In fact, since you've been parked in my spot for over 72 hours, I've become quite acquainted with the man that answers the phone at parking enforcement. I also like the man at parking enforcement because he has the power to issue you some tickets. Patrick, I'd just like you to know that I hope that three days parking was worth the $120 in tickets you've already acquired. Now, you know just as well as I do Patrick that you wouldn't want to add an additional $158.43 to that total when I have your car towed from my space.

Also Patrick, and I'd like to think you're a nice young man, I think you're lazy. Why haven't you moved your car in three days? You have a Rockwell ID, don't you ever go to work? Don't tell me you can walk there because I know you can't. Don't you have some grocery shopping to do? Maybe you have a girlfriend you'd like to take out on a nice date that would require some driving. Wait, Patrick, I don't think you'll be taking your hypothetical girlfriend on a date now that you're out $120. You better go to work and earn some money to pay off those tickets.

Please, forgo the carpooling and take your own car.


Love Always,
Jennifer Adam