This Return to Blogging Can Only Mean One Thing

With my whole life being my work these days I am amazed at how bored and lonely I get when I am home alone. Without a dinner to find a caterer for or a cookie exchange to plan I am pretty much worthless and / or hopeless.

I need more hobbies.

Man, I Miss Summer Already

I bet the flowage is already frozen over. We could now walk across it. Wait, you could walk across it even when it wasn't frozen. Here's to next summer. Cheers.

Also, I tried to upload a really cool, summery picture by Mona Kuhn but apparently my blog wasn't feeling the nakedness of it all.

I'm Back

After some strategic reclaiming of my blog I've decided to begin posting again. It will probably be infrequent but I'm trying.

I've been busy .....so quit complaining

All right everyone. So I've been too busy to update my blog. What's it to you?
Actually, even though I stay busy, I realized that I have no friends today when one of my future tenants shared his Marquette Gyros French fries with me at 9:30pm after stopping by to pick up some keys. Then we had a nice chat.
Who have I become?

Actually, I had a lovely time this weekend with all of you. There's nothing like hearing the snobby art guy laugh after John looks at a Francis Bacon painting and says, "That's how I felt this morning only there are no toilet paper rolls propping up that guy's head." Also, I have a new fondness for screaming popes.

Listen ASS! ....

Everyone. Listen up. Rather, read and take note. Get a pen, I'll wait.
Ok? Good.
Pull out the day planner cause I've got something important we need to discuss.
For the last two years, all of us camping allstars have missed the coveted jumping rock. We've missed rock climbing and we still have a 360 acre lake to conquer. Alas, this is all our fault. You know why? I'll tell you why. We never get our shit together early enough to reserve a good campsite is what it is. We may forever end up camping near lakes that look like iodine and on land free of glacial formations if we don't do something about it now!

Thusly, I propose that we make Camping Extravaganza '07: Another Year of Sad Choices reservations now. This will not only allow us to camp in the oft desired Ice Age region, but keep any scheduling conflicts (ie the wedding of some stupid girl that no one likes) preventing key allstars from attending from occurring.
Courtney's birthday generally being our scheduling compass might make July 27th through the 29th a good time to eat cake. If this is no good for any of you, we may also enjoy belated birthday celebrations for Abby and Cici with a bottle of sake and a deck of cards on August 3rd through 5th.
Please comment with thoughts, scheduling conflicts, potential itineraries and commitments.

One More "Baby-Girl ..." and I'm Going to Punch Someone in the Face!

Today I came to an interesting conclusion. Although most women want to lose weight so that they can be hit on more, I promised myself that I would lose weight so that I could get hit on less.

Yes, it's true, perhaps if I could rock my 5'8" height with a very skeletal 115 lbs, I might attract some men that could possibly annoy me at the bars. However, I would gladly trade that bimonthly occurrence for my current state of being hit on nearly everyday while on the job. I have not once seen my clients hit on a THIN white girl. So why me? Why can't attractive, successful men in my age group hit on me? Huh??

Yes, yes I do get paid to bake cookies and go shopping with my clients. I know you are busy with your excel spreadsheets and such, but I doubt you get told you, "don't look like no virgin," or that it'd be nice to "help you take off that bathing suit." Apparently being in a wheelchair will also give you an ideal eye level view of my "cute ass."

Alas, this is part of my job which I've come to develop a sense of humor about. I do not, however, have a sense of humor about being sexually harassed at my place of employment by old, creepy, married family members of clients via nasty telephone calls. I never in my life thought that people would actually call other people and use that sleazy SNL Ladies Man voice in a serious manner but, oh no, I was wrong. The minute I heard that low drawn out, "girrrrl" followed quickly, still in a super-sleazy voice, by, "I just wanted to say that I'm attracted to you." I knew that some 45-year-old men actually think that this is sexy. After continuing with, "Oh the things I ..." Creepyoldman was abruptly cut off by me telling him what for and hanging up.

A couple days later, he brought his wife into my workplace and wished everyone a blessed day at which point he was told he was no longer welcome anywhere near the building.

Punk Kids

Listen here you punk-ass kids. I am sick and tired of waking up to go to work, walking out to my car and realizing that one of the windows is broken. The first time around, I was upset. This time, I am just pissed.

Here's the thing you jerks. You never find anything good to steal. You can't hustle broken glass man, why not check out the car before you break in, you know, make sure there's something good to take.

You never broke into my hoopdee '88 Taurus. Why terrorize the Kia so? Just because it is a new car doesn't mean there's expensive stuff inside. In fact, now that I actually have to pay for that car, I have less money to buy expensive things. And, if I had expensive things, I certainly wouldn't be leaving them out in 3 degree weather.

Also, I hope you know that any decently intelligent person does not keep anything of value in their glove box. That's just stupid. What are you thinking? That I keep hundreds of dollars in there just in case? Why must you spite me further by delicately hanging my car freshener spray on the edge of the open compartment while leaving all the papers relatively neatly inside?

If you're going to cost me another $200.09 to purchase another replacement window, you might as well mess things up a bit and really stick it to me with a disaster when I wake up. I mean really, at least steal SOMETHING worth while. I have a $200 stereo. Why wouldn't you try to make this break-in worth your while and at least ATTEMPT to take it?

Here's another thing. GET A JOB! Maybe, if you were gainfully employed, you wouldn't have to go around breaking in to people's cars. Maybe you could get a paycheck and buy liquor and drugs that way. I'm pretty sure you're not doing this to feed your starving mother. I'm pretty sure you're doing it because you're lazy.

What's your problem man?

Look at That Man and His Kitty

Happy Birthday to that certain Mike Anthony that lights up all of our lives!

If This Social Work Thing Doesn't Work Out, I Can Always Fall Back On Decorative Floral Arrangements

Lisa has a thing for the holidays. Because she's pregnant and moody, needing occasional presents to boost her mood, and because I occasionally entertain some corny notions about the holidays as well, I decided to add to the Christmas decorations in the apartment by buying Lisa some shiny new holiday flounce.

Kyle and I decided to check out Michael's (a craft store) today after eating lunch to find something that could sit on a shelf or hang on a wall. After critiquing the wreaths and the garland, our inner crafters got the best of us and we decided to build our own centerpiece. This turned into quite the task as we are not the crafting types. Kyle is the spray-painting type and although I have a secret desire to own a ceramic Christmas villiage, you won't find me near any macrame toaster cozies.

We searched the basket aisle, the fake flower arranging foam aisle and finally the glitter holiday-pine-cone-on-a-stick aisle. After deciding on a color scheme, we searched and chose 50 pieces of glittery gold, green and purple leaves, mistletoe and small gifts on a stick. As the grand finale, Kyle chose what can only be described as a "pimp" bird with a mohawk and bejeweled tail.

Above, please find a photo of the beautiful center piece that Kyle, Courtney and I arranged, prompting Kyle to overdose on holiday cheer and necessitating the intake of some Pepto Bismol. Anyone with tips facilitating the removal of a large amount of fine glitter from carpeting is encouraged to share their wealth of knowledge.

In Case You Were Wondering

I know the majority of you have heard what goes on above my apartment in the form of crashes, bangs and pounding throughout the day and into the night. Now you may have been thinking that although these people may not be Large, Vampiric Rabbits, they are at least large, beefy men.

The image I had been entertaining was shattered in front of me when at approximately 10:30pm, the excessive jumping was no longer tolerable. I went outside, buzzed apartment B and waited to confront the surely 250lb body builders living above me.

Out of the apartment walked the smallest two girls I've seen in awhile and I was certain they must have been cheering on their jump-roping boyfriends. Alas, it was only the two of them. These two Nicole Richie sized girls are responsible for ALL of that racket.

And yes, yes they are jumping rope up there.

If you've been an ear-witness to this noise, I know you're as amazed as I am.